I wrote out my deep sadness yesterday. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I typed- luckily I know better than to sniffle directly over my Powerbook keyboard regardless of current emotional state. Tissues are as close as the bathroom. The kitty licks the salty treat away if I tolerate her sandpapery tongue.

Amazing how taking time and energy to look at "what is", sans judgement, gives fresh ideas. After writing I go for a walk. Endorphins and change of space enable letting go- or at least loosen the grip. Insights spring forth, prayers answered.

Prayer isn't a shopping list! The most awesome consciously uttered prayers seek knowledge of god's will, and the power to carry it out. I know I don't know; humility makes space for change. That's how it feels right now!

Walking Scrap, though I still "bled tears", things around not related to the yucky weirdness with my neighbor caught my eye. Mt Tamalpais bathed in October's sun, red beautiful red poison oak leaves on the deep gray road, wearing all orange because I love orange, cooler weather for walking up our really steep hill, and all sorts of exquisite randomness colluded to distract me.

There are oak trees, really old oak trees, all around. An acorn caught my eye. It was big and smooth and a gorgeous rich brown. I picked it up.

Every oak tree started out as an acorn once. Most acorns get munched by the critters.
"What makes one acorn destined to grow up to be a tree when most don't?," I thought.
For that matter what makes a person live? Many fertilized eggs are "miscarried" before the girl knows she is pregnant. Mistakes?

Why dwell on why or why not! Recognition of and gratitude for being one of the special blessed chosen beings to draw breath makes better sense. Being alive IS success. We won!

I slipped the acorn into a pocket. It is an oak tree. My muse felt the universe nudge. It will be, no, scratch that- This IS an extra special lucky acorn. We are a team.

Once back home I let my mind wander. I started reading- about brain anatomy at Wikipedia...
Next thing I'm face to face with this...

"Psychology Today article "Dumped But Not Down"
By: Carlin Flora
Rejection is a fundamental law of the (social) universe. But if you laser in on every dis, you'll likely trigger a self-fulfilling prophecy. Rejection-sensitivity is on the rise, but you can learn to brave even the biggest brush-offs.