The thing I stumbled over? Little Scrappy, asleep under a blanket against my leg! (third ring) He squealed and cowered. I managed to answer the phone before the 4th ring. A good friend, thank God, not a wrong number. Done hanging at the tavern, he asked if he could come over to surf a bit.

"Yeah, sure," I say, and quickly hang up the phone.

I called for Scrap as I returned to the living room. With fear in his soft brown eyes he scurried to the bedroom. Scrappy has NEVER acted afraid of me before! I started to feel feelings I have NEVER felt before. Ugh- these feelings were making my stomach knot up. Soon tears were seeping from my eyes. No matter how sweetly I called for him, he would not come to me. I so wanted to comfort him; kiss him 'till he's all better.

When the friend came to the door, Scrappy did come out of the bedroom to bark, yet avoided me. He stayed on the opposite side of the room until my friend was seated. Scrappy jumped up in his chair and clung to him, even seemed to hide. Oh! The horrible feeling- totally devastating. Argh.

I did not want to make it worse for Scrap. I waited for him to FINALLY creep back toward me. It took what seemed like forever! I cuddled him on my lap with his favorite blanket. The shaking gave way to slumber. I swore I'd never jump for a telephone ringing again if it means having my dear dog be afraid of me. I've never felt the feeling I had tonight before. I never want to feel them again.

About an hour and a half afterward, we went for the last walk of the night. I saw the shooting star. Tons of thoughts screamed through my mind. Once we were done with the outing and Scrap got his biscuits I had to write.

Half of the thoughts were regarding the novel evil feelings I had tonight. The rest swarmed around my life history during this time of year. More was revealed (remembered) during that healing dog walk...