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beautiful pink lava erupting in this dreamstate horizon
2007-11-29 4:30 p.m.
118/76 70

There is some voodoo going around it seems. Relationships are dissolving. (Not Bob and I- we're solid as can be! Yay! I love him. He loves me. The 7 year itch we have is for each other.) The relationship first and foremost on the skid list is very close to us- people who play music at our house, such good friends who we've known for years! Bob and I knew them before we got together.

They live a couple blocks away from our place; Scrappy and I often pass by on our dog walks. They are breaking up, moving apart, separating their worldly possessions. The mood is incredibly hostile between them, their behavior is so reactive and irrational.

For pretty much the whole time they've lived together it's been rocky. Bob and I love them both. We have ringside seats for this drama and are not taking sides AT ALL. When things were good they were really really fun and good. When things were bad- Oh Yuk! We'd see one or the other appear at our door- but never together.

Not taking sides makes for some interesting moments. People going through tough stuff want support. I'm all for helping in a functional non judgmental loving way. However, when the crying friend is looking for a posse, I'm unavailable. "Love is the answer," is what I say.

What comes to mind first is there is not a good guy- no bad guy. You all did the best you could, and it didn't work out. Moving apart is the solution, not a torturous punishment from the other destined to destroy the other's life!

As a successful couple you have to find ways to have all your feelings openly & honestly, be lovingly tolerant, work out compromise for conflicts- all as you stay in the same room, breathing the same air. The longer a couple is together the more smooth that dance becomes! There are always more moves to learn so it never gets boring!

Bands that stay together long enough to hit the big time have to do the same thing. Each member has to want to be in that room together or the band breaks up! CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE- how one responds to it is optional! Time is valuable. Squandering it in the throes of drama and conflict distract from the satisfying pursuits in life.

Breaking up hurts. The love shared makes for the pain. If you don't give a shit about the other person it would be a piece of cake! All that goofy blaming and shaming is a smokescreen hiding the true broken heart feelings. The grief process is in action even though nobody quit breathing.

I try, when sitting with a breaking up friend, to coax their focus away from the other Him/Her. By keeping the thinking on themselves, what needs to be done, read comforting tidbits from a meditation book, and reminders like: "this to shall pass" "there are no mistakes" "When the door closes God opens a window- look up!". Oh yeah, for those major Woe is me sort- "Get off the cross, we need the wood"

I'm likely to write more about this stuff. Later or Sooner. Right now I'm on my way to the kitchen for a refreshing shot of Yaeger. Yum!