This is an email I sent to a very good groovacious friend last night. I thought to share it here. Having others bear witness makes setting a bothersome boundary easier for me...

It was cool to see you last night. Bob made it home today. Yay! I wrote a fresh entry, very fun-cool, for my Diary:
Return from Connecticut

Please, I pray this makes sense. Many more times than not, we (You & I) talk on the phone, then I anticipate you (You & Yours, or You solo) coming over. Somehow, some way our beloved mutual friend magically calls up or just happens to be near, then appears wanting to cross paths with you, wants to "hang out." Instead of one or two visitors- We get three!

Coincidence? I think not! Especially since you live miles away out in the valley. I am not sure if you call him once on this side of the hill, or he has spoken to you in the moments prior to me hearing from you. However it happens, Understand, I set this boundary with such respect and love!

I want you to know, I DO NOT want, due to a few things going on, Our under-employed friend to always invite himself/be invited along. This has happened a lot. I want it to stop. It is awkward, difficult, impossible for me to say no when he already assumes or expects, being close, to be welcome coming through Bob & I's door. When you call, kindly ask first, if you'd like to see him here. Most of the time, but not always, I'm game- it's just fine!

I insist, for various reasons about, like just wanting to be with other stable couples & not a single friend looking to mix a drink, hang around here, hear live music, or surf while denying the responsibility to support his own home. I want the chance- without difficult awkward energy, to say NO, not tonight, not this time, Sorry but NO.

Argh! that was hard to say, even though no sign hangs over our door saying "Night Club" or "Internet Cafe". Tonight I gave this all much thought. I'll eventually find the words and right time to say this myself to our friend. No hard feelings y'all.