This is a reply I sent to an email I received from my neighbor. The part in italic are quotes from her message to me. The writing is helping me process. YAY! More will be revealed...

It was fun. Three people told me you were chatting them up on the street that day. What stopped you from coming down the steps for a moment? and, With all the negativity you've expressed about Bruce, why are you talking to him now? You'd leave the room when he came over before. I didn't mention that to him, but it did make me curious.

"I'm floored at your rationalization and complete disregard for my feelings. Disregard? Actually it's complete denial that I have or am allowed to have any feelings at all."

You are SO wrong here Sue. I have total respect for your feelings. However, I know that there are many other ways to deal with them. And I believe the stress you have going on health-wise is a factor, too. I see the baby being thrown out with the bath water. The black/white thinking thing, good/bad, is primitive. Many shades of gray exist. As next door neighbors, chronically avoiding interaction with Bob is unrealistic. You don't have to be in a room alone with him, Sue. You are a valued, trusted, loved friend. Forget the cooking thing. Have that all your way at your own house by yourself. I won't starve. Bob is not the enemy, and neither are you! Y'all are splendid beings! Have you stated out loud, in a conversation, what you're feeling to Bob? How do you judge he has worked his issues out? And what about your part! Bob is part of my body. We are partners for life, till death do us part. You witnessed the commitment as our Maid of Honor. I love him. He loves me. No relationship is perfect- we have come through 7 years totally intact, and love each other more than ever. Our relationship has beaten the odds, regardless of his pack rat thing or what ever. He is a good man... Being our Maid of Honor, your inability to share a couple minutes for a loving toast celebrating for our anniversary felt mean spirited. What was going to happen to you with me there too?

RUSH TO JUDGMENT Judgments about people and possibilities limit our thinking and what we might try to accomplish. With the very best of intentions, we try to use judgments as powerful tools to help safeguard ourselves and those we love. We want to be able to distinguish between "good" and "bad," "right" and "wrong," "possible" and "impossible" in order to help us make decisions and choose behaviors. And yet, our rush to judgment usually distances us from the possibility of changing and creating personal miracles in our lives and cements us into being "stuck" in our unhappiness.

When pointing a finger at Bob as the "bad guy", realize three fingers are pointing back at YOU. Feeling that negative intensity toward another's actions, first thing, examine yourself. When compelled to judge another, it often is a trait you find bothersome on a subconscious level in yourself. Think of your recent past, troubles at the College of Marin, with your Landlord, at Sloat's or with David. What was your part in those difficult painful interactions? You have control of yourself only. The rest of the world is in God's hands. Divine Order is a Good Thing.

" The fact that you expect me to walk back into a situation that I consider abusive for your own "comfort" is unbelievable. How many times should I be emotionally slapped around to satisfy you? The fact that you want everything to go on the same way as it was before is equally so. I've already learned the lesson and don't have to go back for more - time to change."

I do not expect you walk back to the kitchen. There is no comfort I seek from you- are no expectations. When did I ever say that? Who said you had to cook and all again. How do I force this on you? I just want my favorite people to be happy, peaceful. For 7 years it was ok. What has changed now.

" It's not Cervantes, Russian Roulette or playing possum. Actually, it would be Russian Roulette if I tried to work out some sort of deal with Bob. He's got some real mental health issues and it's a matter of time before he loses it again. "

And do you examine your own foibles as much as you dwell on Bob's?

"Bob has to get some therapy before I can come back or be there. I know that neither you nor I can force Bob to get therapy. Just because we both know that doesn't change my mind about how I feel. It also doesn't mean I'm taking the easy out by not being there. I'm not running away."

Yes, you are. Maybe you need some therapy as well. Bob and you are quite stubborn in similar ways. How can things reorder for healing when one is isolating...

"This has been very difficult for me. I value you as a friend and miss the day-to-day interaction and companionship. I've spent years accepting and honoring your feelings and emotions whether I agreed with them or not. "

Good, Hopefully without regret. I never expected agreement for every aspect- that is unrealistic. Actually, I've always felt we could agree to disagree with peace. Did I misinterpret that perception? I heartily encourage people to be more of who they are. Authenticity. Creative beings work together best with less judgement and more acceptance of one another.

"I wish you could learn how to do the same for me."

Sue, I do. You have my respect; I cherish your unique being, celebrate your artistry, share your work with every friend I can. As is. Do you love, accept and respect our unique creative beings? Bob's music, My web work, etc? Have I ever tried to manipulate you to do "my will". When. Where. How. I make a point to get out of my self and look at things from above- big picture perspective, without personal judgments. As Is, it IS. I peruse all points of view, not just mine. I have given & received much joy using my ability directing theater or doing audio recording without creating stressed out scenes with this strength.

"I'm right next door and you are always welcome."

I'n not sure about that, Sue. I walked past you driving by on Lindaro st. You said hi Scrappy, and said not a thing to me. NOTHING. I do not know what happens next. I see this as a chance to honor and respect the creative wealth we share. And Love one another.