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beautiful pink lava erupting in this dreamstate horizon
2007-07-19 13:17

A few things have changed on the home front. A change that's made a big big "divot" in my harmonious social interaction "putting green" has nothing to do with me. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it- even though I'm directly hit with its horrible tsunami of tetanus infected shrapnel. Actually, I wasn't in the room when IT happened.

My good next door neighbor of 14 years, the maid of honor in my wedding party, fellow horticulturist, trusted with each other's house keys, we own cats who are brother and sister, who's prepared (with gusto) the gourmet organic chow for Bob and I- an ultra close friend- Has decided she will not be in the same room or have any further conversation with my husband.

She really feels Bob needs to get some sort of therapy before she can be here. She says she's been irrationally verbally assaulted too many times, which she feels is the psychic equivalent of being hit. She won't walk back into "that situation" when it's only a matter of time before "it" happens again. In closing she said, "I'm sorry you don't get it and I'm sorry it has to be like this, but I have to take care of myself."

Ugh! That was hard to write. I didn't cry this time. I really wanted to write it. I'm in Acceptance grief-wise, I guess. I am devastated. Worst of all her idea to enable our friendship was for me to call her up to say "he's gone- come on over". Oh, the deep pain; it makes me nauseous. For better than a week after this messy mess started I couldn't eat. I could barf now.

Last conversation we had I told her I didn't feel comfortable with the phone call thing. I said we can visit when we run up on one another in the yard. It hurt so much when she wouldn't come over to share a yummy bottle of French champagne to celebrate our anniversary. I've had nightmares- scary ones- because of this thing.

Bob is loving, generous, thoughtful, a bit kooky in the creative discontent sense, and has a big mouth and talks a lot- I don't really know what issue they fought about- something about space in the kitchen. The thing is I can't imagine why for 7 years she got along with him and now suddenly she doesn't.

Oh bother- tears fill my eyes, and I don't want my eyeliner to run. Sniffle. I'm going for a walk before it gets too hot. It's a bring the parasol the sun is too intense day. See ya'll later.

PS. I'm wearing my baby pink "Stop Bitching, Start a revolution" shirt today with an army green fatigue hip hugger mini skirt. As usual, my buck knife is in one of the myriad pockets. Somehow it seems to be the right uniform for the day. After all, today will be the first time I go shop at the grocery store in I don't know how long.