2007-07-26 07:28
I just got back from the wee hour dog walk. Scrappy did a
double dump; that always seems special.After giving him his biscuits, I went back outside to set a
sprinkler. It is supposed to be in the 90's. My cacti on the hot
sunny hill are thirsty. I won't walk out into the hot sun back there.
It's cool now, making it easier for dragging the hose.
The hose was in its hose pot, but coiled really weird. When I stuck
my hand in there seeking the hose end I felt a huge moist slimy
thing. It was a familiar banana slug feeling. When walking in the
neighborhood redwood grove I always move the slugs I see on the road
to the side so they won't get run over. This slug slipped off the
hose and out of my hand to the ground.
Moving on in the dark, I got the hose untangled and dragged it out to
the "way back". I positioned the sprinkler, hooked up the hose, made
sure the right hose controls were set open. Walking back there is a
chore, especially at night.
Next I headed past the hose pot to the spigot. My foot slipped on
something. Oh what a tragedy! It was the banana slug. I killed it. I
love those huge cool as heck slugs. This one got run over by me in
the dark. I threw its squished body under the bay tree then turned
the spigot for the sprinkler on.
"Oh slug, I'm so sorry" I said. Stepping on that slug made me sad,
very sad. It has been a tough day and this slug episode doesn't help.
My neighbor friend's recent behavior of never ever coming around is
difficult for me. She hasn't crossed the threshold in weeks,
allegedly to avoid my husband. She knows his schedule, can clearly
see the place he parks his car because she passes right by it to get
to her place.
I'm getting the idea she's avoiding me too. The other day I waved to
her as she drove by. She said hi to Scrappy. Not a word to me. Nothing.
It's been so long since I've felt these feelings. Today I took time
to read so things to comfort myself. The book opened to a reading
about ABANDONMENT. And GRIEF. No wonder I've felt so peculiar!
Suddenly it made sense. I am in a grief process.
I've had bad dreams. I can hardly eat. Some days I am extremely
fatigued- like a plug has been pulled. I found some resources online
about the grief process. Abandonment by, as opposed to death of, a
close person is much more traumatic emotionally. The fact this
person is my next door neighbor makes it worse.
I am crushed she would not share a toast (of ultra yummy french
champagne) on Bob and I's anniversary. She was our Maid of Honor, for
goodness sake, how tasteless! We sleep under an amazing quilt she
made for us; its pattern revealed itself to her in a dream! We have
cats that are brother (ours) and sister (hers). Her sudden barely
explained about-face treatment demonstrated this month is messing me
up. I didn't do anything to initiate this wonky trip.
Grief. Not Good Grief. This too shall pass. All in divine order. But
if it gets any worse I'm seeking some professional support. The
emotional stress is making me sick, I don't want to get sicker and
waste however many lives I have left.