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beautiful pink lava erupting in this dreamstate horizon
2004-12-22 7:40 a.m.

My husband had never lived with a cat before he married me. He emphatically stated he was a "dog person".

Well, Love has amazing power, it created a cat tolerant person out of him, and more time made a cat lover of him. The time between the tolerance stage and his eventual arrival at cat lover stage created the best amusement!

It is our first week cohabitation, 3 months pre-wedding. In my office, serving as the staging zone to assimilate his transplanted stuff into the rest of the house, are stacks of stuff- furniture, books, and a 17" TV set.

As an aside- I have to say I am not a television watching person- I never owned one, I hate being in a room with one on, blah blah blah. Even the TV cable hung on our house fell off without any help from me. It's my vibe.

Now, from stage left, Enter the hubby to be...
entering the scene from stage right, Me, under the influence of Love, being mellow and tolerant of his Sony Triniton color TV's existence.

I went in to work on Saturday, leaving him to sleep with a bit of a hangover from playing music into the wee hours the night before. Several hours later I get a phone call from Bob...

I pick up the phone and hear, "Honey?"

"Yeah", I reply.

"I have something to tell you...
It's- It's Juliette", he mumbles.

Juliette is the sweet fluffy harlequin calico Center of the Universe kitty at our house. She is very aware of anything new in her space- and immediately zeros in on the item. After giving it the sniff test and a visual once over, she proceeds (pending her majesty's approval) to rub it with her chin, climb on top of it, chew on the corner of it, even sit on it and nap!

"What's wrong with Juliette?!", I ask, feeling a bit of panic.

"Well, she...", he sputtered.

I blurted in terror, imagining the worst kitty crisis imaginable...
"What's going on! What's up with Juliette? Is she OK??"

There, on my work phone, was my silent fiance. Breathing in gulps of air, choking back tears, lower lip trembling, he at last managed to find the voice in his throat.

"She... killed my TV. It's destroyed. My TV is... Dead!"

Politically incorrect as it was, I could not help bursting out laughing! HA HA HA!

This had nothing to do with me- I didn't do this terrible thing! Juliette was doing what she needed to do, and acted in my highest anti-TV interest. My little hero! I LOVE her...

In her curious kitty mode, confronted with a room full of new stuff to approve, needing to conduct kitty inventory, Juliette had chosen the TV for investigation that morning.

The TV was on a rickety table. She jumped up top to begin her inspection- the Sony fell forward on something else. The picture tube imploded, sending Miss Juliette scurrying in a panic from the scene of the crime to the bedroom for comfort.

The sound of the crash registered somewhere in Bob's skewed sleep and he stirred. Juliette bolted in then pounced on his stomach, landing all terrified, wild eyed, bringing Bob abruptly to consciousness.
Seeking water and aspirin for the hangover, wondering what the commotion was that had Juliette throwing herself at him, he discovered his TV, shattered, face down on my office floor. DOA. Stunned, in shock, he picked up the phone and called me to share the tragic news.

At the end of the day when I came through the back gate, the dead TV was laid out in state by the back door, draped with a black shroud. Soft rain fell from a steely gray sky. My honey, still in his bathrobe, stared in disbelief out the window at his deceased TV.

"It was new. I can't believe this has happened!", he lamented, with a deep soap opera sigh, as I came through the kitchen door.

Trying to be sensitive I asked, "How long ago did you get it?" Laughing out loud earlier in the day on the phone hurt his feelings. I didn't want to do that again, especially in person.

"Uhh, 1985 I think..."

No need for my fingers to do the math here; I respond, "ah-Hmmmm- Hey! That's 15 years ago! Hardly a new TV! That's an OLD TV. Just get a new one!"

"I bought it brand new in the box, I still have the store receipt, the manual... it was perfect, a valuable TV- I didn't need a new one!", he moaned.

All's well that ends well. Time heals. Bob never did get another, he lost desire for watching TV - excepting the Simpson's and X-files. Miss Juliette, uninjured, knew what was up and acted as the situation dictated: cute. Bob forgave her; he actually brags to anyone who will listen how sensitive and accurate her household GPS perception is of every little thing. Most importantly, the herculean force of cat curiosity rules the safe placement of sacred objects around the house.