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beautiful pink lava erupting in this dreamstate horizon
2003-10-11 1:30 a.m.

I am really proud of my honey! Last night and today he busted his butt to get a resume on the desk of a BIG WIG to be considered for a job working for the city of Oakland. This would not seem so out of line- but after losing his job of 5 years on August 15th, he fell headfirst into a deep depression. He thought that the last job he had- it ended with an indefinite lay off, would be the last one he'd need to find... The State Budget created the need to reduce staffing at UC Berkeley, and his head rolled. What a bummer. He somehow knew it was going to be him, which made the last few weeks of work hellish-

Hell times two- because upon his arrival home all he did was moan groan and be generally difficult. Difficult to the point of nuttiness. One night he even sent the band packing! Kicked his best pals to the curb! I was ready to evacuate with them when he told me what he had done! I was so bummed out. Good thing the sense returned to his head before any lasting damage was done, he retracted his demands- and things have steadily improved ever since. I guess that was 4 or 5 weeks ago...

Meantime the SHIT COLORED GLASSES embedded on his face were still coloring everything, well of course, SHIT COLORED. The power to remove that stinky attitude belonged to everyone else BUT him. Me and the cranky hungry 18 year old cat of mine were held "responsible" for the lions share of his misery. Totally irrational!

Good thing I was through the wringer with this phenom0nen of mental misjudgement in a previous relationship. That guy was diagnosed bipolar finally-but it took years to recover for me. I took the accusations personally, did everything I could- and shouldn't have done to Fix It. I found out the hard way I did not cause it, I can not control it, I can not cure it! That knowledge nurtured me in my present partnership. And the good thing is by not trying to stop the runaway train of thought the husband was carreening around on, he was able to see the light much sooner.

After 8 weeks of hiding under a rock wearing those horrible smeary brown glasses, he emerged with a new resume in hand, wearing his best real live smile, to deliver it in rush hour traffic at 4:30 on Friday afternoon to an office in oakland. What a hero! Even if that position is not destined to be his, I could see the energy shift. It is very good!