Your losing your job is a drag- It's effect 0n your splendid being is the MoSt tragic....I know Panic when I see it! I am writing this note in an effort to stave off your horrific feelings Of dread. Why?

I am a "psychic sponge" by nature - possessing Extreme Empathy-

I feel Other people's feelings as if they Were my Own. Tremendously intuitive and Intelligent, As a younger person I was tortured by this Gift. In the name of brevity I will say the thing I needed to learn was where my feelings ended and the rest of humanity's began. My torture came out of wanting Peace!

Rather than letting things be to work out in the messy, slow way they ALWAYS do, to spare myself the trauma of feeling ALL my companion's frustration, I specialized in creating solutions-

This took the form of being the able and willing "leader". You know, the one WHO EFFORTLESSLY ALWAYS HAS the ANSWER, IS ORGANIZED, Is THE person to study with, the ACHIEVER etc.

I did not have to stop being GOOD at whatever I do, rather, I had to stop being good at what other people needed to do themselves-

No matter if it is easy for me, that out of love I wanted to ease their burden, doing "whatever" was fun for me.... By accepting responsibility of another I participated in creating my own emotional nightmare.

This loss of work begins the path leading to feelings of Peace and Tranquility- as you have never experienced before.

You see D, what accompanies that loving, lovely rush of your generosity is that sense of dread-

FEAR. confusion. panic. STRESS!

You have unknowingly created dependence... With children, dependence is appropriate. But even the average Two year old exercises INDEPENDENCE.

I had to allow the ADULTS in my life the opportunity to find solutions for themselves-regardless of their effort to hook me... my able and willing self couldn't. I learned I shouldn't. The baggage for me became heavy enough that I did not care if I lived or died- and I did not know why, only that SOMETHING was very WRONG! I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder- On the scale of 1 to 10, I came in at 8- the shell shocked returning vietnam vet level.

Mind you, it took falling in love with a charming yet severely dysfunctional, handsome, talented, abusive, way-addicted drug addict to dry out my well. I did not know he was an addict, either.

Until him I was having a blast! I directed my dance company, did tons of great art performance pieces, Had a fun band that gigged and toured a lot, rehearsed twice a week in SF etc. etc....

And once I got the grip on the "property lines" between what is mine to engage, what another "assigns" me, no matter if they squall or manipulate, consciously or not, if I am paid well for the thing or not, as willing participant or not, The feeling of being responsible for the world, together with the accompanying lethal stranglehold-all vanished.

I WAS FREE!

My relationships got better-hard to imagine because they were (except for HIM) already great! And they continue to do so!

More than anything else, D needs to focus on D- Know that the "X" and any other "dependents" will be fine, actually, fear and panic really screw up decision making. That's the "deer in the headlights" routine. Finding stillness in your spirit, even if for only 5 minutes at a time, is the best focus now.

The Cool thing about being an achiever is no - one can take that habit from you- it is your gift to/from the Universe! I will always delight in being an accomplishment junkie... but I now accept responsibility Responsibly.